Gosh time has flown over the last few weeks and I have not made it on to my blog...but I have been doing a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion that NOW is the time I need this blog and a change of heart and perspective more than ever before.
Those close to me know the last couple of years have been my own little private hell, my Gethsemane in a way - Neal A Maxwell said we would all have to pass through at least one (although please dont think I am trying to even contemplate it being like the Saviour but Elder Maxwell said we would all face those times in life that we can't see how we will ever make it through). Well here I am...still standing...and at the point where I choose what to make of this next year. Will I give it all I can to make it a better one?! Never in my wildest imaginings did I realise how tough life can get, I have always been the 'pink and fluffy' one, the 'jolly' one who carries on regardless - this period of time robbed me of that ability at times and I began to lose the 'me' that I liked.
Now I am finally facing up to a new reality, one which doesnt let me have the things I want or desperatly tried to hold onto, but instead a learning to accept the things the Lord wants me to have!! It is time to step up and become the woman the Saviour needs me to be!!!! Time to earn the forgiveness of those I have let down, time to show that I love the Lord more than anything else and I will do all within my power to love Him and give Him my whole heart :-)
One way I am overcoming those moments of deep sadness and finding the jolly me again is looking for those tender mercies every day of my life. And dont you just love that when you really look for them they can turn the saddest day around:-)
Just recently we lost a dear sister in our ward who had been unwell for some time. She had the most profound effect on me!!! If ever there was a sister I want to be like it was her! She LOVED everyone. If she saw you sad, or lonely or frustrated there would be a hug, a smile, a rub on the arm and most likely a following phone call or card in the post. She was single like me, but never once did that stop her moving and being so utterly celestial!!!!! I will miss her dreadfully - I do miss her dreadfully, but I will never be the same again for knowing her! I will follow her example and be the woman I can be, the woman the Lord needs me to be!!
So it is a pivotal year for me...and to help me I have made some goals. I am sharing them here so I have some responsibility to keep at them :-) Some are too personal to share but here goes:
* I am working on two courses (one is OU) - I will do my best and give them my greatest effort. I will stick with them and finish !!!!!
* I will be using the sacrament to report back to the Lord and covenant each Sunday to do better.
* I am going to do all I can to improve my health (including the dreaded course of action of healthy eating!!!! ANYONE who knows me knows how hard I find that one!!!)
* I will be a better Visiting Teacher.
* I will be a better friend. I have a lot of lovely amazing people in my life who have stood by me this last two years when I have been a selfish sad brat!!! They loved me WAY more than I deserved. I will be the friend this year that they deserve :-) I love them way more than I could ever explain.
* I will keep to a tight budget and save!!! (again not my forte but hey a girl can change!)
* And lastly I will complete another 75,000 names on Family Search Indexing. It is the very least I can do to show thanks to the Lord.
So bring it on 2012 - cos the Jolly Sara is jumping up ready to take advantage of every moment :-)
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