A New Start...

Gosh time has flown over the last few weeks and I have not made it on to my blog...but I have been doing a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion that NOW is the time I need this blog and a change of heart and perspective more than ever before.

Those close to me know the last couple of years have been my own little private hell, my Gethsemane in a way - Neal A Maxwell said we would all have to pass through at least one (although please dont think I am trying to even contemplate it being like the Saviour but Elder Maxwell said we would all face those times in life that we can't see how we will ever make it through).   Well here I am...still standing...and at the point where I choose what to make of this next year.  Will I give it all I can to make it a better one?!  Never in my wildest imaginings did I realise how tough life can get, I have always been the 'pink and fluffy' one, the 'jolly' one who carries on regardless - this period of time robbed me of that ability at times and I began to lose the 'me' that I liked. 

Now I am finally facing up to a new reality, one which doesnt let me have the things I want or desperatly tried to hold onto,  but instead a learning to accept the things the Lord wants me to have!!  It is time to step up and become the woman the Saviour needs me to be!!!!  Time to earn the forgiveness of those I have let down, time to show that I love the Lord more than anything else and I will do all within my power to love Him and give Him my whole heart :-)

One way I am overcoming those moments of deep sadness and finding the jolly me again is looking for those tender mercies every day of my life.  And dont you just love that when you really look for them they can turn the saddest day around:-)

Just recently we lost a dear sister in our ward who had been unwell for some time.  She had the most profound effect on me!!!  If ever there was a sister I want to be like it was her!  She LOVED everyone.  If she saw you sad, or lonely or frustrated there would be a hug, a smile, a rub on the arm and most likely a following phone call or card in the post.  She was single like me, but never once did that stop her moving and being so utterly celestial!!!!!  I will miss her dreadfully - I do miss her dreadfully, but I will never be the same again for knowing her!  I will follow her example and be the woman I can be, the woman the Lord needs me to be!!

So it is a pivotal year for me...and to help me I have made some goals.  I am sharing them here so I have some responsibility to keep at them :-)  Some are too personal to share but here goes:

* I am working on two courses (one is OU) - I will do my best and give them my greatest effort.  I will stick with them and finish !!!!!

* I will be using the sacrament to report back to the Lord and covenant each Sunday to do better.

* I am going to do all I can to improve my health (including the dreaded course of action of healthy eating!!!!  ANYONE who knows me knows how hard I find that one!!!)

* I will be a better Visiting Teacher.

* I will be a better friend.  I have a lot of lovely amazing people in my life who have stood by me this last two years when I have been a selfish sad brat!!!  They loved me WAY more than I deserved.  I will be the friend this year that they deserve :-)  I love them way more than I could ever explain.

* I will keep to a tight budget and save!!!  (again not my forte but hey a girl can change!)

* And lastly I will complete another 75,000 names on Family Search Indexing.  It is the very least I can do to show thanks to the Lord.

So bring it on 2012 - cos the Jolly Sara is jumping up ready to take advantage of every moment :-) 

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days...

Okay maybe thats a bit of an exaggeration, but it's been a funny old mix of things occuring these last few days but with my re-discovered positiveness I can see the good side :-)

* My car broke down on the way to the Christmas Music Festival - however I managed to drive it to my dads house and was able to sit in the warm while waiting for the Green Flag man! 

* I couldnt drive to church yesterday - but my brother and dad took me / picked me up and both got to visit with old friends at church!!

* I had to get the car fixed - however my garage fitted me in TODAY and I had enough money to pay the bill (just! but enough none the less)

*He reminded me that my cam belt is due for replacement shortly - Hmmm £500 - oh well at least he reminded me and I can start my car saving fund once Christmas is done :-)

* I had my CT scan at the hospital. And it was SO SO SO much better than that awful MRI machine!!  LOL. The radiographer spotted something that may well be causing my migraines!!!  If he is correct (it needs to be confirmed by the consultant) it can be helped.  This will mean a few lifestyle changes from me but they can only help my overall health so that is no bad thing.

* I had a GREAT day at church yesterday - Mel and Dianne said things that really touched my heart and made me feel so happy :-) 

* I received a compliment for my SS lesson - a couple were visiting and said I should be a professional teacher :-)  How kind was that!!  It made my day!

* I was provided with some help yesterday that is going to change my life :-)  I am now a woman with a plan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So actually it didnt really have a bad point at all...all is well in the land of Sara :-)

Even Today....

I have had a rotten headache for a couple of days which consequently turned into one of those much dreaded migraines...it is just now going.  Could it be that even on a day like this there are tender mercies...

Well Of Course There Were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* I am so grateful for medication...that even though it takes time to work and sometimes takes several tablets, how amazingly blessed we are that we live in a world with medication :-)

* It made me reflect on how blessed I am to live in a country with the NHS - where we can see a Doctor, visit a hospital and recieve treatment no matter the size of our bank account.  The NHS and this country are far from perfect but this is an enormous blessing as is the freedom we have to live as we wish :-)

* Today not being at work and lying down a lot I had time to think and ponder...I love those quiet moments when you really can just think and mediatate on life, God and everything in between.  Today my thoughts were on how blessed I am.  I have a Father in Heaven and Saviour who love me and have endless patience (thank goodness!!!).  I am grateful for the strength to make some recent but very needed changes of perception and priorities in life which are giving me a greater relationship with them and much happiness :-)  :-)  :-)

* Gratitude for a chance over the last few days to work on a service project...lots of colouring and crafitness involved.  Oh how jolly!!!

* Happy that when Mum got out the Christmas decorations and tree from the cupboard where it has been stashed for 12 months I discovered some of my missing craft items!!!  Ooh that will get the creative juices going.

* Thankful for inspiration on my Sunday School lesson this week which teaches me much more than I am sure I manage to teach my students!  I have really enjoyed studying Revelations this week.I am so thankful for the scriptures.  Oh and in my ponderings I realised I am a bit behind on my goal to finish the Book of Mormon by the end of the year (I keep getting pulled away by The Peacegiver and Believing Christ as well as my Sunday School readings!)...so I have to read 8 or 9 pages a day now this month to finish my goal.  How exciting, I can lose myself in the BOM every day!  Yay!!!

* So pleased to have my lovely cats Toffee and Fudge - big bundles of joy who make me laugh and give me cuddles.

Today was not as I planned and not as I would choose but I cannot deny the tender mercies, they just keep on coming :-)

xxx